Category Archives: Life Change

Building Confidence

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Very few of us are born into the perfect environment where our confidence is nurtured every minute of the day starting at birth. Our natural dispositions, our home environment, families, schools, teachers, religious training all play a big role, especially at early age, in how we perceive ourselves. They all have an effect on our level of self-confidence. Confidence determining factors continue through what we experience, read and see in life and from them we form our impressions and intentions. We create from our impressions and intentions.

The good news is that we can do something about raising our own self-confidence. It is ultimately up to us to make that happen. Yes, this will take time, raising awareness, insights, perhaps outside help, and the need to create new habits and let go of old ones. Brain research has proven that brain can change, it is not as plastic as they once thought.  A new way of thinking is possible.

Why Confidence? Confidence is the key to taking actions in order to make changes in our life so we can reach goals and realize our dreams. Without a healthy dollop of confidence to take actions, why even bother having a dream or wanting more? Do you know anyone who is stuck? What would a new dose of confidence do for them?

As I mentioned earlier, we can raise our confidence level. It takes awareness of both our inner and outer selves. By inner self I’m referring to knowing who you are in this world; not what you do and how you act, but rather who you really are. Your inner self is associated to your thoughts, your impressions, your beliefs and your “take” on what happens around you. We all interpret and make sense of the world differently. A self understanding is fertile ground to choosing responses to the world rather than reacting from emotion.

Your outer world  is how you operate in the physical world. It includes areas such as, how you dress, words you use, how you interact with others, tackle new projects; simply how you interact with life. The world acts like a mirror. What you think on the inside is reflected back to you in the physical world. When you make changes in your behavior you get different responses. Favorable responses from others add to your self-confidence.

There are many excellent books on the market promising to increase your confidence level so that’s a good place to begin.. However, just reading and knowing what to do is not going to make the difference you’re looking for. Putting the ideas to regular practice is the key so consider working with a coach to help keep you on track.

Here are few questions I’ll leave you with…..

1.How would you be living your life if you had more confidence to do whatever you really desired?

2. What have you been holding back from doing? What is the price you pay for not doing what you really want?

3. What will it take to move forward?

 

 

 

Achieve Your Life’s Goals

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Years ago, when I  working as a middle school teacher, my principal made some time to sit down with me to discuss a personal problem I was having. As he listened, he found a copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on his bookshelf and opened to a diagram in the chapter that presents Habit 1 (Be Proactive). The illustration and explanation he offered from the book quickly helped me resolve my own problem. As I left from school that day, I thought about how quickly a simple book had shed clarity on my complicated thoughts. I had never heard of Stephen Covey before and the book was a best seller. My friends in business all knew it. Why was such practical information, commonly shared in the business world, different from what schools focus on. It’s like comparing Apples to …..PCs.

Now I am an empowerment coach I’ve learned (and taught) what Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits and his life’s work have been about. Dr. Covey was a leadership expert. He helped millions of people reach their biggest goals in work, life and love first by asking them to clarify their personal mission in life and then setting their goals and plans to achieve it. Undoubtedly Stephen Covey’s work will live on for future generations to benefit from and build on.

Here are some effective tips to reaching your goals as explained in the book co written by Steven Covey’s son, Sean Covey, along with Chris McChesney and Jim Huling titled, The 4 Disciplines of Execution.

1.  Focus on Two or Three Goals      Get very clear on a few goals. Find the most important ones and focus on them. Be sure they align with your mission or your inner core. The fewer things you focus on, the more attention you can give them.

2. Concentrate on the Cause Not the Effect      Rather than focusing on the end result, focus on the smaller steps that will help you to get there. By doing this you can manage each task better and you won’t get discouraged if your end result is not in place as immediately as you think it should be.

3.  Keep a Scoreboard        Keep track of your efforts. It should not be a data fest type of scoreboard, just a simple, easy to see tally. Keep it in plain sight too. It helps to share your efforts with others who can hold you accountable.

4. Report Regularly       Find a partner, a family member, a coach, or someone who will weekly sit down with you to assess your progress and make new commitments. If you don’t meet consistently things could quickly fall apart.

Wouldn’t it be valuable for this type of information to taught in middle and high schools rather than wasting time in study halls? Imagine if these effective tips were habits learned early on.( Effective means that they work consistently, over and over again when used.) Imagine if students learned how to help each other achieve their goals. Well, regardless of when this information is presented to us, life if full of opportunities to set new goals and move ahead. There are Infinite Possibilities to create.

Turn On Your Power

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Riddle: What can delight, excite, and ignite; pull a frown up to a smile, melt fear into confidence and fill emptiness with fulfillment

Answer: WORDS

Amazon has millions of biographies and books written by thinkers like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Abraham Lincoln, and Elizabeth Caddy Stanton; word wizards who have changed the world.  A French writer and philosopher, Jean-Paul Satre said, “Words are loaded pistols.”  Now we may not be out to change the whole world, but we can certainly change what’s in our own.

Along with several other techniques, choosing and using the most potent words to engineer literary devices like similes, metaphors, and alliteration arouses the imagination.  Imagination conjures up a feeling then attaches it – kind of like a post-it note to the subconscious. From there, the subconscious mind works like an antennae sending out a frequency of that feeling, attracting experiences that match. This feeling is what we see reflected back to us and how we create the exterior or “real world”. The more positive sticky notes attached to our subconscious, the more we see favorable results in our life.

Let’s look at an example of the words someone might tell themselves if they’re looking to put use an effective sticky note of abundance on their subconscious…..They might repeat to themselves over and over….”Success comes to me from unseen places”. Listen to how words can strengthen this feeling…. “ The door to financial success is nailed open for me now and my pockets are jammed and crammed with abundance.” Which statement gives you a stronger feeling of wealth? So the words we use and the way we use them is power, a magic wand.

Now I’m going to change the focus from the way words are used and how they’re used to the thoughts behind them. One of my favorite authors, Kahlil Gibran reminded us that, “All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind.” It’s the thought before the word that holds even more magic and it too can be changed.

Have you ever listened to someone who was asked, “So what’s been going on in your life?”  They go into their “story”. Think about it, who really hears their “story”, the most? They do! And do your think this is it the “story” they really want to be experiencing? Usually not. Usually it is one they’re trying to get away from or be done with. Now, if they became more mindful of what they say to others and tell about what they are looking toward rather than where they’ve been; they’d get different results.

Let’s pretend you’ve just asked Joe.. how he’s been doing.  Joe answers.” Oh,  – it’s been a hard year,  I got laid off from my job this spring. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m going nuts. What’s the feeling Joe’s sending out?   Fear….frustration and that’s just what his feeling antenna will find more of. A better choice for Joe might be…”.I’m finding a new balancing despite the ups and downs. Interesting new things are developing.”

Remember the speaker is really the one hearing what they say the most. And if the subconscious hears it enough it believes what it hears, that is what will come to be.(But if you try this don’t try to force a false belief on your subconscious, it won’t buy into what is really not true for you at that time.)

Our thoughts and words can make some big changes for us. There’s no need to make any changes where you’re getting the results you want, but where there’s something you want to change, you have the magic wand. Change the thoughts and the words, then firmly believe in what you say, you’ll get a different result. Here’s a caution: we’re usually so busy in life that we never really get to see this principle in action then skepticism is the predominate feeling plus, there is a delay between the thought and the results which also allows disbelief to creep in and ruin the magic before it happens.

Thoughts and Words are the power tools given to humans to create our sweetest dreams and the world we want, and they’re  FREE to all.

Keeping Cool, Hydrated and Healthy

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It’s hot.  “Stay hydrated.” is healthy advice. I do drink plenty of water but when  there are all kinds of exotic concoctions available it’s tempting to reach for a drink I’d really rather not have.  What’s a good alternative if someone doesn’t want sugary drinks that put on tons of weight or the artificial sweeteners that get the thumbs down from the health experts. The answer just might be found in the sweet plant, stevia which has been called by some, “The sugar of the future.”

Stevia is many times sweeter than sugar, and does not have the effects that sugar has on your blood sugar levels. Health food stores now have a liquid stevia and some of them are even flavored. You’ll have to experiment because all stevia doesn’t taste the same. Some have a little aftertaste, some don’t. Some are a little bitter, others not.

We’ve been using it in iced tea, lemonade (made by squeezing several whole lemons in water and adding stevia), and protein powder drinks with fruit, vanilla, or cocoa powder added. Oh, and my favorite is to add some flavored liquid stevia to carbonated lemon, lime or raspberry water. It is the closest I’ve come to drinking a healthy soda.

Folks are thrilled when they hear that the eight glasses of water we have been advised to drink don’t all have to be plain water, so keep in these ideas in mind though the rest of the year too. It’s a way to add a healthier liquid alternative to your body and not pay the consequences for wanting a variety of tastes.

The Power of Gratitude

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Albert Einstein is noted as having said…..“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is miracle.”

So how might a person accomplish such a mindset that everything is a miracle? Perhaps Gratitude is the key. What better time than now, at Thanksgiving, to take a look at being grateful.

Gratitude is not simply a way of acknowledging the wonderful things we’ve been given, it is also recognition of goodness that exists under even the worst that life offers. During that first year that the Pilgrims came to the New World, only three families didn’t have to bury a husband, wife, or child. Yet they all made it important to pause and reflect not only on the survival from their heartbreaks, but for their friendships, their strengths, what they learned, their bounties, what they did have and what they accomplished.  The Pilgrims had learned to give thanks by following the example of others before them. Gratitude played a part in many religious traditions, and had been a topic for philosophers and writers throughout the ages… all for good reason.

Today, gratitude takes center stage in the new science of Positive Psychology. In several of our universities it is being looked at, tested and studied. One common thing we all share as human beings is the desire for joy and happiness and many thinkers believe that gratitude is the key that opens the door to the riches of life.

Some good news is…Gratitude can be developed and practiced. On my own life’s quest I’m learning how to deepen my sense of gratitude by realizing that everything that’s ever happened to me, the easy and the rough times has contributed to what I am now. Even though I didn’t notice it at the time, each has given me a different gift, taught me lessons and made me a better person.  You might want to try this exercise yourself. Set aside an hour or so and write down a list of significant events and relationships in your past. Include the ones that hurt you, the ones you never wanted to look at again as well as what I call your “Diamond Moments,” the ones you hold dear or sacred to you.  Then note the good that came from each one of them. If you look hard enough you’ll find that each made you stronger, wiser, more humble, more of something or less of something else. Perhaps someone or something set you off on a whole new, better but unplanned course in life.  When you’re done with this exercise you’ll see blessings that you never noticed before.

Keeping a gratitude journal each night before turning in is another practice that produces results. With each entry write down 5 things that you can find to be grateful for that day. Find the goodness in your life as well as gifts and benefits that you received. The more focus you put on the good the more it will appear.  Trace back to the source of that goodness and there you’ll see your dependence on others. Have you ever noticed that Grateful people are also very humble? By continuing to add to your list each night you’ll be creating a habit of gratitude which will lead you to finding more openness in yourself and more joy within each day. And as an extra bonus… happiness brings success.. rather than the other way around.

So gratitude offers us more appreciation for life. It leads us to finding goodness, joy, and happiness and it opens the door for miracles to walk in.

Fake It Till You Make It

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       What do you think about this strategy?
You bring about what you believe to be true. Yet often there’s a tug-of-war that goes on in a mind when trying to believe what they desire is already in the making when physically there isn’t any evidence. However, this belief is critical in order to actually see the desire into physical reality. Any doubts will block the outcome.

So here’s a tip. Believe that what you want to create is happening in the dimensions of your mind. Live with the feeling and emotions, as if what you want is already in the making. (There’s a difference between creating a feeling and actually taking action on stuff you are not yet for.) Eventually, you will see a positive outcome.  ”OK… I can do that.”