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Building Confidence

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Very few of us are born into the perfect environment where our confidence is nurtured every minute of the day starting at birth. Our natural dispositions, our home environment, families, schools, teachers, religious training all play a big role, especially at early age, in how we perceive ourselves. They all have an effect on our level of self-confidence. Confidence determining factors continue through what we experience, read and see in life and from them we form our impressions and intentions. We create from our impressions and intentions.

The good news is that we can do something about raising our own self-confidence. It is ultimately up to us to make that happen. Yes, this will take time, raising awareness, insights, perhaps outside help, and the need to create new habits and let go of old ones. Brain research has proven that brain can change, it is not as plastic as they once thought.  A new way of thinking is possible.

Why Confidence? Confidence is the key to taking actions in order to make changes in our life so we can reach goals and realize our dreams. Without a healthy dollop of confidence to take actions, why even bother having a dream or wanting more? Do you know anyone who is stuck? What would a new dose of confidence do for them?

As I mentioned earlier, we can raise our confidence level. It takes awareness of both our inner and outer selves. By inner self I’m referring to knowing who you are in this world; not what you do and how you act, but rather who you really are. Your inner self is associated to your thoughts, your impressions, your beliefs and your “take” on what happens around you. We all interpret and make sense of the world differently. A self understanding is fertile ground to choosing responses to the world rather than reacting from emotion.

Your outer world  is how you operate in the physical world. It includes areas such as, how you dress, words you use, how you interact with others, tackle new projects; simply how you interact with life. The world acts like a mirror. What you think on the inside is reflected back to you in the physical world. When you make changes in your behavior you get different responses. Favorable responses from others add to your self-confidence.

There are many excellent books on the market promising to increase your confidence level so that’s a good place to begin.. However, just reading and knowing what to do is not going to make the difference you’re looking for. Putting the ideas to regular practice is the key so consider working with a coach to help keep you on track.

Here are few questions I’ll leave you with…..

1.How would you be living your life if you had more confidence to do whatever you really desired?

2. What have you been holding back from doing? What is the price you pay for not doing what you really want?

3. What will it take to move forward?

 

 

 

You Can Only Be You.

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Comparing and Competing are the two tumor twins pointed out by Sean Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. Isn’t that what we do so often to ourselves to feel better or worse; putting ourselves up against  the next guy? Many people fall into the trap of measuring success according to what other people do, have and strive for rather than keeping their focus on their own magnificence.

Perhaps another way to see an example of where comparing and competing for success is senseless is in the physical world round us. There are countries that have thrived according to our Western standards and countries that have continued in a more primitive manner. Anthropologists have found reasons for the haves vs. the have-nots and it boils down to luck. Geography and natural resources of the land are the reason why some civilizations have progressed to be able to explore, conquer, and dominate while others have only the means to continue their primitive existence. It’s not a matter of harder work or smarter thinking. It’s a matter of where you were placed on Mother Earth, what animals are native to the area, what crops grow there and what the other natural resources are.

And so it is also with our lives. We can’t be true to ourselves if we compare and compete with the next person as a measure and a factor upon which we base our self-confidence  then our self-esteem . We have all been dealt a different hand, conditioned by our families and our communities, and life events in a different way.  We need only to look at our own lives and make the most out of who we are, being thankful for the human life we have the opportunity to enjoy and learn life’s lessons from. There’s more to our life than meets the eye and finding out about it is far more satisfying than playing only the material gain game. Make time to be with nature and yourself, listen to your inner voice and discover real self and passions will help point you on your way to happiness no matter where you are now.

Myth …..” I Don’t Have the Time to Be Coached.”

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It makes me sad when I hear people think that coaching is only goal setting and adding more to their “to-do” list. Yet, I can certainly see why people might think that way. The term “Coach” is used so loosely now that the role has taken on many different meanings and connotations. To some it means mentor, to some counselor, to others supervisor or even a professional nag. Some coaches, often business coaches who are hired by a company and want to produce results for their own job security, have the business’s success as their top priority pushing aside the idea that the person being “coached” has a life with other areas that equally effect their work performance.

Coaching to me, and my friends who are also certified professional coaches, know that coaching is about creating a partnership. It is a relationship that focuses on the person being coached and helping them create their lives so they feel whole, balanced, confident and in control. Good coaches help people create more energy, the energy wanted to move ahead to do the things you want with passion. Good coaching liberates rather than constricts leaving room for more of the good stuff in life.

Achieve Your Life’s Goals

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Years ago, when I  working as a middle school teacher, my principal made some time to sit down with me to discuss a personal problem I was having. As he listened, he found a copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on his bookshelf and opened to a diagram in the chapter that presents Habit 1 (Be Proactive). The illustration and explanation he offered from the book quickly helped me resolve my own problem. As I left from school that day, I thought about how quickly a simple book had shed clarity on my complicated thoughts. I had never heard of Stephen Covey before and the book was a best seller. My friends in business all knew it. Why was such practical information, commonly shared in the business world, different from what schools focus on. It’s like comparing Apples to …..PCs.

Now I am an empowerment coach I’ve learned (and taught) what Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits and his life’s work have been about. Dr. Covey was a leadership expert. He helped millions of people reach their biggest goals in work, life and love first by asking them to clarify their personal mission in life and then setting their goals and plans to achieve it. Undoubtedly Stephen Covey’s work will live on for future generations to benefit from and build on.

Here are some effective tips to reaching your goals as explained in the book co written by Steven Covey’s son, Sean Covey, along with Chris McChesney and Jim Huling titled, The 4 Disciplines of Execution.

1.  Focus on Two or Three Goals      Get very clear on a few goals. Find the most important ones and focus on them. Be sure they align with your mission or your inner core. The fewer things you focus on, the more attention you can give them.

2. Concentrate on the Cause Not the Effect      Rather than focusing on the end result, focus on the smaller steps that will help you to get there. By doing this you can manage each task better and you won’t get discouraged if your end result is not in place as immediately as you think it should be.

3.  Keep a Scoreboard        Keep track of your efforts. It should not be a data fest type of scoreboard, just a simple, easy to see tally. Keep it in plain sight too. It helps to share your efforts with others who can hold you accountable.

4. Report Regularly       Find a partner, a family member, a coach, or someone who will weekly sit down with you to assess your progress and make new commitments. If you don’t meet consistently things could quickly fall apart.

Wouldn’t it be valuable for this type of information to taught in middle and high schools rather than wasting time in study halls? Imagine if these effective tips were habits learned early on.( Effective means that they work consistently, over and over again when used.) Imagine if students learned how to help each other achieve their goals. Well, regardless of when this information is presented to us, life if full of opportunities to set new goals and move ahead. There are Infinite Possibilities to create.

Making Change Easy

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Women are turning to personal coaches every day to help them in many different ways. Here are 5 powerful reasons why.

Before I do, just for clarification ……You hear about coaching in so many walks of life now. We all know what a sports coach does, but there are business coaches, executive coaches, financial coaches, reading and math coaches, parent coaches, and the list goes on.  More often than not this buzz word is being used to describe the roles of a consultant or an expert in the field but when blocks and resistance are there, the experts are still at a loss at how to turn things around, and we all know how change can feel like swimming an upstream battle. On the other hand, a professional coach is trained to help break through resistance using the coaching process and specific skills. So why is working with a professional coach so powerful?  Here are 5 good reasons.

#1 Coaching is based on and validated with brain and neuroscience research.

Studies are being done on how the brain operates. Dr. John Medina, David Rock and Jeffery Schwartz are a few of many researchers who study human behavior to help businesses increase their creativity and their productivity. They found that the coaching process instills new thoughts and habits without undue pain and stress. New data like this is driving the coaching industry forward proving it to be a powerful and effective change medium.

#2. Coaching aligns a person’s inner and outer worlds; creates an emotional connection.

Coaching is about aligning a person’s inner and outer values, gifts, passions, personal mission and strengths with the outer world. It creates an emotional connection; the key here is the emotional connection. It is a little similar to the chiropractor who adjusts the person’s inner alignment, in order for the rest of the body to operate well. When a person is aligned, there is less resistance and life moves forward with greater speed and less stress. When people are emotionally connected to their outer goals, powerful lasting change is possible.

# 3 Coaches will help people think beyond the obvious and see a bigger picture

A simple way to explains this is in the way a circus elephant is trained, by attaching a shekel and chain around his leg the elephant can’t get away. Eventually the shekel isn’t needed because he’s conditioned to stay put. We react similarly to our world but we put the cuffs on our own legs though our negative self talk and sabotage, assumptions, interpretations, and limiting beliefs. A coach uses strategies to help their clients stretch, evaluate, see life in a different way,

# 4 Coaching uses Focus and Action.

By helping people to maintain focus on realistic goals and take manageable action steps, the coach assists their clients to work their plan.  Focus and action are the vital keys needed applied to well designed, realistic goals.  Coaches help to minimize fears and give encouragement, believing that their client is well capable of achieving their goals.

#5 Coaching is a good financial investment.

Businesses like Verizon, Toyota and Lockheed Martin are utilizing coaches to keep a completive edge.  Businesses have found that the investment they make in training employees on new skills is returned almost 6 times when coaching follows the initial training. On a personal level I doubt that there is a monetary value that could be put on improved health, greater self esteem/confidence, healthy relationships or making your dreams a reality.

So here you have it …. coaching

  • Is research proven
  • Connects the inner being with their outer world
  •  Helps people to see a bigger picture
  • Focuses a person and is action orientated
  • Good financial investment.

I’ll leave you with a quote by Bob Nardelli, CEO of Home Depot has said, “I firmly believe that people, unless coached, never reach their maximum capabilities.”

Dietude.com

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I haven’t stopped writing!  Log on to www.Dietude.com    I have posted four new articles there that you might enjoy and there are many other contributions from writers who are experts in the field of diet and nutrition.

Look for my articles:

4 New Health Habits to Add to Your Insurance Plan

Don’t Rely on Health Insurance …Focus on These 4 Healthy Habits

How the SMART System Can Improve Your Weight Loss

Use Reframing, Change and Support to Holistically Plan for Weight Loss Success

Check back on this site for more new posts.  Thanks for reading.

The Power of Gratitude

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Albert Einstein is noted as having said…..“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is miracle.”

So how might a person accomplish such a mindset that everything is a miracle? Perhaps Gratitude is the key. What better time than now, at Thanksgiving, to take a look at being grateful.

Gratitude is not simply a way of acknowledging the wonderful things we’ve been given, it is also recognition of goodness that exists under even the worst that life offers. During that first year that the Pilgrims came to the New World, only three families didn’t have to bury a husband, wife, or child. Yet they all made it important to pause and reflect not only on the survival from their heartbreaks, but for their friendships, their strengths, what they learned, their bounties, what they did have and what they accomplished.  The Pilgrims had learned to give thanks by following the example of others before them. Gratitude played a part in many religious traditions, and had been a topic for philosophers and writers throughout the ages… all for good reason.

Today, gratitude takes center stage in the new science of Positive Psychology. In several of our universities it is being looked at, tested and studied. One common thing we all share as human beings is the desire for joy and happiness and many thinkers believe that gratitude is the key that opens the door to the riches of life.

Some good news is…Gratitude can be developed and practiced. On my own life’s quest I’m learning how to deepen my sense of gratitude by realizing that everything that’s ever happened to me, the easy and the rough times has contributed to what I am now. Even though I didn’t notice it at the time, each has given me a different gift, taught me lessons and made me a better person.  You might want to try this exercise yourself. Set aside an hour or so and write down a list of significant events and relationships in your past. Include the ones that hurt you, the ones you never wanted to look at again as well as what I call your “Diamond Moments,” the ones you hold dear or sacred to you.  Then note the good that came from each one of them. If you look hard enough you’ll find that each made you stronger, wiser, more humble, more of something or less of something else. Perhaps someone or something set you off on a whole new, better but unplanned course in life.  When you’re done with this exercise you’ll see blessings that you never noticed before.

Keeping a gratitude journal each night before turning in is another practice that produces results. With each entry write down 5 things that you can find to be grateful for that day. Find the goodness in your life as well as gifts and benefits that you received. The more focus you put on the good the more it will appear.  Trace back to the source of that goodness and there you’ll see your dependence on others. Have you ever noticed that Grateful people are also very humble? By continuing to add to your list each night you’ll be creating a habit of gratitude which will lead you to finding more openness in yourself and more joy within each day. And as an extra bonus… happiness brings success.. rather than the other way around.

So gratitude offers us more appreciation for life. It leads us to finding goodness, joy, and happiness and it opens the door for miracles to walk in.

Take the Best and Leave the Rest

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Our dog Bandor was an interesting being. He would eat what he liked out of his dish and leave everything else. It amazed me how he could scarf down a whole bowl of food, but there at the bottom he’d leave just the peas…. Little, clean, round peas. If we’d offered him a cracker he would look at us like we were crazy. When peanut butter was on it, he’d gratefully take the treat, lick off the peanut butter and leave the rest of the cracker completely whole.

Take in what’s good for you in life by listening to your inner knowing. We’re not required to take on situations that we can’t digest. They cause us to contract.  We’re much better off choosing the experiences that expand us and help us grow.

Even our mentors, teachers and experts will offer wisdom. They may present ideas you will benefit from  as well as ideas you don’t agree with or wish to consider. Take the best and leave the rest.

We don’t come into life with a full set of operating instructions but we are given some tools, our emotions.  The negative emotions such as anger, guilt, sadness, or distrust, merely mean that something is not right. Imagine them yellow or red lights…slow down and figure out what’s going on.  On the other hand, the positive feelings like gratefulness, confidence, joy, hope and adventure are the green arrows that are pointing out the way.

Learn how to tune in and connect with your heart.   Follow your bliss and you’re on the road to happiness.